Tuesday, May 22, 2012

The Next Big Thing



100M


It’s stupid.  It’s absurd.  But it’s possible. 

Last year I toyed around with the idea of doing a 100M race after Boston.  But a nagging injury lead to my anit-Nitmos S.o.S. (Summer of Sloth) training program.  Sadly, this was the only ‘training’ program I’ve ever executed perfectly.  A training program that was so successful I carried it over into my fall and early winter training schedules. 

And if he can reuse the S.o.S. theme, I can repurpose it again.  Thus, I’m proud to announce my Summer of Stupid Slow, or S.o.S.S. 

This fall, before the Redhead and I tie the laces (go there now to check out some of our engagement photos if you so wish), I’m going to attempt to run 100 miles.  Now, you may be wondering, why?  It all harkens back to when I was in middle school and my friend Drew’s father used to tell us stories about how he and a few of his friends would do a 100 mile race when they were in their younger years.  He’d talk about how they would run and race against horses.  As relative studs on our middle school team, we were pretty sure nobody has ever run further than two miles, yet alone 100.FN1  But the story never left me.  Only after college did I discover that such races do in fact exist.

Sure, lots of people have told me I should attempt a shorter ultra distance before I do this.  Even internet experts and ultra-marathon professionals make this recommendation.  I scoff at you all.  I’m just excited about the idea of running to the Taco Bell one town over and ordering some tacos to go, then eating them on the walk part of my run.  I’m interested to find out if any of the fancy camel packs out there contain two bladders so I can fill one with water and one with Mt. Dew.  I’m excited about running at night and suffering from exercise induced flashbacks where I recall my time in Texas as an outlaw simply because I was trying to get justice for my brother’s ruined scooter.FN2  I’m eager for the moment when I see the sun rise after running for several hours through the night and I begin to cry…only to end up in a blubbering heap mumbling  “double rainbow!” 

One day I hope to tell my son and/or daughter and their annoying friends how I ran 100 miles.  I know they won’t believe me, mostly because I plan on lying to my children from the beginning.  Including telling them their mother is an evil alien robot that is going to harm them when they sleep.  What?  Isn’t the fun of having kids to battle with your spouse for the hearts and minds of those little DNA half-copies.  I digress. 

I’ll be doing some shorter races this year as well.  But the real goal is to slow it down and go long. (TWSS)FN3



FN1: Yes, in one of four middle schools in one of fifteen-ish towns in one county in one state, I would consider myself a relative track stud. 

FN2: What, is my Legend of Billie Jean to vague of a reference, should I have gone with a Balls of Fury reference instead? 

FN3: That is for you Adam. 

13 comments:

Redhead Running said...

What, no penis extension reference?

I still think you're absolutely fucking crazy, but I'll be there to support, pace, and cheer you like a good little wifey to be because I believe in you, even when you have crazy ideas and make plans to emotionally scar our future children.

Jamoosh said...

Sigh! Why doesn't anyone want to run 99 miles...

B.o.B. said...

FAIR IS FAIR!

And you are nuts.

Ironman By Thirty said...

"walk part of my run"??? Wait, you aren't going to RUN all 100 miles??? Isn't that cheating?

Kandi said...

Loved your engagement photos!
Sounds like you have quite the summer/fall ahead of you. I hope you write about some of the journey as you go.

Nitmos said...

You will literally go to any lengths to avoid being involved with wedding planning. I wish I had been so wise. Carry on.

Viper said...

So which race are eyeing? I support your idiocy, strictly for my entertainment. Cheers!

Greg said...

We can't afford to be innocent
Stand up and face the enemy
It's a do or die situation
We will be invincible

Katie said...

WOW.

Vaudiophile said...

This reminds me of Brian Posehn's stand-up (at least I'm 90% sure it was him), where he talks about raising his kid sheltered from pop hits and leading them to believe the Weird Al versions are the originals.

Jordan said...

Apparently I need more sleep. I was three paragraphs in before I realized you were talking about a 100 mile race and not a 100 meter race...slightly. different. Anyway, good luck with that part of me wants to do that someday, but not the part that still has authority to make decisions haha.

Sun Runner said...

I'm with Red on this one. You be crazy. :)

Mel -Tall Mom on the Run said...

GOOD LUCK!!!