Two Runners: One Abode (Dude Version)

or, Why I have Decorative Towels and a New Shower Curtain


Number of towels (and bathmats) in bathroom prior to the arrival of R = 5

Number of towels (and bathmats) in bathroom actually used = 5 (2 bathmats, 2 towels, one hand towel)

Number of towels (and bathmats) in bathroom now = 8

Number of towels (and bathmats) in bathroom actually used now= 4 (So help me understand, I have three more towels and somehow end up with one less towel to use?!?)

Average number of bananas prior to the arrival of R = 3

Current average number of bananas at any given time = 46

Number of clothes racks prior to arrival of R = 1

Number of clothes racks currently = 2 (one for clean clothes and one for dirty clothes because…oh I just give up on that one)

Number of runners who put sauce on pasta prior to the arrival of R = 1

Number of runners who now put sauce on pasta now = 1 (sure, she puts some parmesan cheese on it, but your pasts feels all naked and self-conscious…I just know it)

Average size of Body Glide container in apartment prior to the arrival of R = 2.5oz

Average size of Body Glide container now = 1.475oz (I didn’t know they made Body Glide in containers that small—if this isn’t instantly funny, do the math)

Average number of individuals in line waiting for bathroom prior to the arrival of R = 0

Average number of individuals in line waiting for bathroom now = 1 (how she always manages to get there before me is baffling—I mean I’m faster than she is…I think)

Number of times someone was there to encourage me to get out of bed and run prior to the arrival of R = 0

Number of times someone was there to encourage me to get out of bed and run now = at least 15

Number of times I’ve seen R while we are out on our own run = 2

Average amount of time spent on Maymyrun.com per person = 1 hour per week

Percent increase in happiness since the arrival of my best-est friend and amazing girlfriend = 1000% (even if I’m without the use of one extra towel)