Thursday, October 29, 2009

Help The Champion...if you want to...

Hi! If you're receiving this, you may be somebody who I know from way way back in High School, or maybe you gave birth to me (hi Mom!). See I sent it to everyone I know, and I'm asking you all for $5.00, and to pass this on to everyone YOU know (who has the means to come up with $5.00).

The deal is, I'm walking 60 miles over the course of 3 days to raise money for the Susan G. Komen foundation, to help find a cure for Breast Cancer. And sincerely, I need your help, and this cause needs your help.

In better economic times I'd suggest that to come up with the $5.00, you might forego everyday luxury items like a Flirtini, a handful of Itunes songs covered by the cast of "Glee," or a tip-of-the-hat from your favorite street mime. But I know these hard times have forced you to give these things up already. So instead I'm suggesting that you might forego:
* A can of baby formula,
* A bottle of prescription medication, or
* A co-pay for a swine flu vaccination.

If sacrificing pleasantries isn't your thing, here are some $5.00 ideas:

* Steal $5.00 from someone who is not looking.
* Steal something WORTH $5.00 from someone who is not looking and list it on Craig's list:(Click here for my example) (Editors note: YOU MUST READ THIS, IT'S AMAZING)
* Convince 20 friends to invest $5.00 each with you and then provide the most vocal of the group with an outlandish return. Give $5.00 to me, and hide the rest for seed money.

I know you've already donated to other causes and you've probably already bought a box of Thin Mints or Tagalongs this year as well. So I'm fully aware that this is a "not another one - I already gave money!" situation. But think about this, did those girl scouts put your name on a scrolling web plugin? I think not. Did those girl scouts sleep in a pink tent or walk 60 miles? Maybe. But you’re an adult, so get your mind off of girl scout cookies for once. Those delicious cookies may taste good, but they're downright evil compared to this walking bit. Here's why.

Many of us (myself included) haven't been directly affected by Breast Cancer (yet), and we wait until it affects us or someone we care about before we take action. But causes like this need a lot MORE people to care. They need my $5.00 and they need your $5.00 too. The "walking" part doesn't help the cure as much as the "you donating $5.00" part. The walking gets your attention and gives me a reason to send this e-mail, but the fundraising is what matters. I know we can make a difference.

I've asked for $5.00 by design. Do not give too much! It makes much more sense for you to donate $5.00 and then pass this along to a friend, or 2 friends, or 10 friends. If you give $20.00, it's certainly appreciated, but the true power of our combined ability lies within our influence! Just give $5 and pass it on! I intend to get this message directly to 1,000 people. If you all get it out to just one other person, and the average donation we get from that group is $5.00, we can raise $10,000! That puts a 1% dent in the unrealistic $1,000,000 goal I posted on the pink thermometer site. And that, my friends, is pretty cool.

To donate, just go here.

That's all I've got. Thanks for reading, and even if you don't want to donate $5.00, feel free to send me a reply and we'll just catch up or something. That's good too.

Finally, for you big spenders who like to hurt feelings:

1) If you give me $100 instead of $5.00, I'll write whatever you want me to write on one of my arms with a Sharpie marker for the walk. Feel free to humiliate me. If helping others doesn't motivate you as much as hurting feelings does, then hurt away!

2) If you give me $200 instead of $5.00, I'll bring a little megaphone with me and literally say whatever you want me to. Again, with the hurting feelings. I can take it. It's for a good cause. Finally, thanks for reading all this. If you're like me, you get a lot of these requests.

Don't feel obligated to donate. Even if you can spread the word instead of throwing in an Abe Lincoln, it will make a difference. I hope to catch up with you soon, and I'll see you on the other side of a painful 60 mile walk!


The Champion


B.o.B. said...

You get my $5 for just writing the most hilarious money asking post I have ever seen. :)

B.o.B. said...

Realized that this was not written by Spike, but it still got my $5 for it's awesomeness.

Thanks for posting Spike!

Morgan said...

Hilarious!!!!!!! Oh and the craigslist post is priceless... off to submit my Abe.

Running and living said...

Oh, I am so tempted by nr 1 and nr 2, and I can come up with pretty cool things, just ask my husband, he tends to lose a lot at dominos...Since I do not want your feelings hurt, I am going to go with $5. It's a good cause.

Irish Cream said...

OMG, that is the most amazing craigslist post ever. You are so my hero for including it in your request for mula, and I will totally give you $5 (or well, you don't really get it, but ya know . . . details).

Also, Wilson just sent me an IM and goes, "is there something I need to know?!" Hahahahaha. You are so kind to warn him ;)

Adam said...

Great cause. Worth $5 anytime.

Ms. V. said...


I posted it on Twitter, saying you'd join Twitter if they donate.

And's not even you!!! So now, you HAVE to join.